Ask Carly Spindel

Ask matchmaker and dating expert Carly Spindel your most burning questions each week and she will reply. Nothing held back.
Email: media (at) and the top 10 questions each week will be posted for our audience to comment on and of course, Carly will personally answer your questions. Don’t be shy, however, remember only the best questions will be answered.


  • Charles White says:

    What advice could you give to guys who are seeking to meet and marry a beautiful woman? How should a guy prepare himself? Thanks!! 🙂

    • Janis says:

      Well Charles women like men who are smart, funny, and who have an “edge”. So hopefully you won’t have to prepare for all that, it will come naturally! Having said that, in terms of preparing… Well groomed, well dressed, a gentleman and someone who can take charge of planning a date is great and should get you off to an amazing start.

  • Maurice says:

    Janis, we met last year and I did not hire you because what I was looking for in a woman in terms of her age range, you did not agree with me. Like Charles White, I am an elegant man as you told me and I am seeking the same with a woman 15 years my junior. How should I prepare myself? Maurice from Boca.

  • Janis says:

    Well Maurice usually I like to say 8-10 years is appropriate, but it’s always a case by case situation of what the man is looking for/vs what he has to offer. With that being said, you are an elegant man and If you seek a classy, elegant woman I don’t see it being a problem. In the circles you travel you should be able to find her. If not then maybe, just maybe, you should reconsider hiring ME!!

  • Wendy says:

    Janis, I’m a single, talented, pretty, successful, out-going, sporty woman living in Atlanta, GA. I am 45 years of age, divorced of 7 years and am perplexed as to the complexity of meeting a nice guy to share fun, adventure, travel, sports . . . life! I have exhausted so many efforts of being open to men that I normally wouldn’t be interested in, to dating websites (eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and Match) only to remain disappointed in my search. Interestingly, I have a group of girlfriends in a similar spot (beautiful, successful, out-going, energetic, fun-loving, athletic, in shape, etc.) yet no luck in finding the right guy. I/we simply do not understand the difficulties around meeting a man with whom we could enjoy our time. I’m open for your guideance and suggestions for me and my friends. Sincerely, W

  • Edie says:

    Hello Janis, hope you are enjoying your summer.
    Still in Paris for a few days, will be in Montreal from August 4th till August 18th so, as I’ve told you, I’ll be only one hour away from NYC !!! (just in case a match springs up)
    My question : There is an add for Ivydate on this page. Are you familiar with them ? Do you recomend or not ?
    Warm wishes,

  • Edie says:

    Merci chère Janis,

  • B. says:

    Hi Janis,

    I find these questions interesting, especially the ones from women who indicate that they and their friends are all beautiful, outgoing women who have so much trouble meeting good men. Yet, my friends and I all have the same troubles meeting women. It’s comical.

    Anyway, here’s my question.

    I just recently came across an internet dating profile from a woman around 50 y/o. It states: “I want to meet someone that I look forward to seeing…..again and again! I want the spark! you can’t start a fire without a spark. Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that’s what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going.”

    I include this because it seems so representative of the expectations that are out there. It is difficult to find people who seem to want to give things a chance if they don’t perceive that this type of thing is achievable before meeting or upon meeting for the first time. I think we all know that this is often not how lasting love begins.

    So how do we men meet these kinds of romantic fantasy-like expectations that are out there from the getgo?

  • 1st I must apologize for the delay, I have been traveling non stop. Men and women both have some unrealistic expectations. Men are superficial and shallow and need the 4 B’s , and all women want is a smart, funny, kind guy who is available and treat them well. Let’s face it , if there is no chemistry the date is over!! Men fall in love thru their eyes, women thru their ears, but chemistry is an intangable that no one can account for. It’s up to the Universe(: I agree with you that if sparks are flying across the table , that will not last forever sadly ):

  • A says:

    Hi Janis,

    Why is it men take one look at me and tell me how gorgeous I am and they never ask me out? What is going on? Many tell me it is because the men are afraid to ask me, I find that humorous as I am very open, fun and attentive to those I meet. Yes, I do like to keep busy and love the work that I do. Right now I am filming for a show that will be broadcasted in the spring, but I wish to find someone who is not apart of all that. I feel like a hopeless romantic that just does not see her other half anywhere I look that is willing to ask beyond the look. I have tried on-line dating and found just the opposite of what individuals display on their profiles. Even on Face book they say how much they are looking for Ms. Right but I never see them seriously dating, just looking for the “like” button to be pushed ( smile). They post pictures and comments all the time on my wall and will send me suggestive private messages, which btw are pretty creepy. So what is it Janis, can a woman really find the right Mr. Right? Thank You, A

  • Sick and Dating___? says:

    Hi Janis,

    I am a 27 yr old gorgeous girl in a large city with a arts, finance, a large Jewish community etc. However, I moved here for the hospitals after getting sick 7 years ago. It is a life-long, chronic condition which got a basic health care code the year after I got sick. The journey to solution has been difficult, but I finally got a hold of the correct specialists and the right treatment to help me manage it. What would be your suggestions for my dating life, which has been on hold for the last 7 years?

  • Jessica says:

    Hi Janis,

    I am a 29-year-old, beautiful, adventurous, ballroom dancing woman in business school. I have dated and loved several men that were my definition of the whole package–intelligent, adventurous, ambitious, sweet, and attractive. Yet my relationships tend to follow a pattern. While I am getting to know the man and deciding on whether or not I’m really interested in a serious relationship, our relationship is roses and the wonderful things he does are bonus points! But a short time after I decide to open up my heart, something goes wrong.

    At this point, my expectations rise with my commitment and openness (ie. vulnerability), and then I find myself hurt and perplexed by why he’s backing off. Talking about it doesn’t seem to solve it (ie. he doesn’t get the hint when i tell him it hurt me that you didn’t call me for several days when we used to talk every day). After we drift apart, I end up breaking up with him, upset about how yet another relationship that had so much potential fell short. I don’t know if I just haven’t found the right one for me, if I need to adjust my expectations, or if something else is going on.

    I don’t believe my expectations are unreasonable. To sum them up, I would like to know I’m a part of his thoughts every day (a phone call to engage with me and tell me he misses me would do most days of the week), I would like to be courted at least every couple of weekends (taken out on planned, lovely dates), and I expect that we would weekly spontaneously relax and unwind together.

    Not that my track record is much different for long-distance relationships, but when I’m in them (which probably makes up half of my relationships), his reaching out to me every day to engage with me and say something sincere becomes my primary expectation, but I also expect him to bring up the subject of when we can see each other again and eventually help make the trip happen.

    Janis, I would like to know from you, first, specifically what expectations about the expression of love through time and words do you believe to be reasonable? Second, what’s your advice for me personally?


  • Susan says:

    Hi Janis,

    I have been struggling letting go of an ex for the past 2 years. I care about him dearly but he is 43 years old and totally selfish. I want to be in a exclusive relationship and he wants to sleep around. He won’t stop contacting me. I feel weak and fall for the bull shit. I am tired of this. Can you help?

    • Janis Spindel says:

      Janis’ Reply:

      Hi Susan,
      If you want to be in an exclusive relationship and he doesn’t, it’s time to cut the cord. If he can’t give you what you want, you have to let him go. You deserve someone who wants to be in an exclusive relationship and appreciates you. It’s time to tell him you need to let him go. I would call him and tell him to stop contacting you because you deserve better. You need to realize you deserve better and then you will stop falling for the bullshit.

      Good luck!

  • J Wolf says:

    If I see an attractive girl on the streets of NYC, is it ok to approach her?

    What can I say to break the ice and make her feel comfortable with me?
    Then to get her contact info, if she is interested?

    • E says:

      Would you date a man who needed to use an injection to get an erection?

      (He had prostate cancer)

      This is not a joke. He shared this information on the 3rd date (over dinner)
      I’m not sure how I feel about it.

      Apparently he gets an erection for 3-4 hours after injecting himself.

      What would I do after the intercourse? Would I have to stay with him the entire four hours?

      I dont have that kind of time (or interest)! I just can’t picture this scenario.

      Please help!

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